Genuine selectivity

Lessons

1. 1Attraction earns attention, not approvalLesson M07-L1 · about 7 minutesTreat attraction as a reason to find out more, not as a decision already made.
2. 2Selective, not scarceLesson M07-L2 · about 7 minutesDistinguish genuine selectivity ("I like what I'm learning about you") from manufactured scarcity, and explain why scarcity backfires.
3. 3What to find outLesson M07-L3 · about 7 minutesAsk about values, reliability, interests and relationship goals in a way that sounds like curiosity, not screening.

Video summary

All videos

Exercises that go with these lessons

• Evidence check, Articulation · follows lesson M07-L1Selectivity exercises: label it, pick it, say it3 items, about 4 minutes
• Articulation, Evidence check · follows lesson M07-L2Selective, not scarce: exercises3 items, about 6 minutes
• Observe, share, ask, Articulation · follows lesson M07-L3What to find out: exercises3 items, about 5 minutes

Go further

Talks, videos and pages by the people whose ideas these lessons discuss, matched to the topics the lessons cite. They are outside this site, and nothing from them loads until you follow a link. A link is not an endorsement; read the note under each one.

• Vanessa Van Edwards: 10 Quirky Questions to Ask On Your Next Date

  Video · leaves this site for youtube.com

  Example open-ended, curiosity-led questions to ask on a date, relevant to responsiveness and to restarting a conversation that has stalled.

  Keep in mind. Light entertainment format; questions are prompts, not a technique that guarantees liking.

• Marni Kinrys: [Video] Raw Female Perspective On What Turns Women Off - Marni's Wing Girl Method

  Web page · leaves this site for winggirlmethod.com

  Free public page where Kinrys gives her perspective on behaviours that put people off; an attributable source for what the Wing Girl Method publicly says.

  Keep in mind. Single coach's perspective; do not generalise to what 'women' want. Site sells paid courses.

• Bobby Rio: 5 "Nice Guy" Conversation Mistakes to AVOID

  Video · leaves this site for youtube.com

  Bobby Rio on conversation habits that undermine engagement, per the title; relevant to engaged versus merely polite behaviour and to conversational re-engagement.

  Keep in mind. Commercial dating coach; 'nice guy' framing is contested and the channel also carries manipulation-style content the app must not teach.

• Dr. Tara: Become Sexually Powerful

  Talk · leaves this site for ted.com

  A communication professor summarises a large survey on sexual communication and satisfaction; supports lessons that talking openly about preferences predicts better outcomes.

  Keep in mind. Self-report survey presented in talk format; non-graphic content should be confirmed before linking.