Learn · Unit 4: Steady
Steady under uncertainty
Notice and name your own state, tell disappointment from urgency, read a change in the other person's energy, describe confidence as actions, act on a good-enough read and recover from an awkward moment.
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Lessons
- Name what you feel firstNotice and name your own state before acting on it.
- Disappointment is not an emergencyTell disappointment from urgency, and wait before acting on a slow reply.
- When the other person's energy changesNotice a change in comfort or energy and respond by easing off or asking, not by defending.
- Confidence is something you doDescribe confidence as actions (start, state, invite, accept a no, steady pace and posture) and pick one to practise.
- Self-trust without certaintyAct on a good-enough read with one small step, and say what would change your mind.
- Recovering from an awkward momentRecover from a slip with one light acknowledgement and carry on.
Exercises that go with these lessons
Go further
Talks, videos and pages by the people whose ideas these lessons discuss, matched to the topics the lessons cite. They are outside this site, and nothing from them loads until you follow a link. A link is not an endorsement; read the note under each one.
Vanessa Van Edwards: Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards: 9780593332191 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books
Book on reading and sending nonverbal cues for warmth and competence; the publisher page gives the official description and edition details.
Keep in mind. Self-help book; evidence quality varies by chapter. Link to the publisher only.
Joe Navarro: The power of nonverbal communication | Joe Navarro | TEDxManchester
A former FBI counterintelligence agent explains baseline behaviour, comfort versus discomfort displays and why single cues mislead; emphasises context over isolated gestures.
Keep in mind. Law-enforcement and security context, not dating; lie-detection style claims are poorly supported by research.
Joe Navarro: Why does body language matter? | JOE NAVARRO
Navarro's own short explainer on why nonverbal behaviour matters, from his FBI counterintelligence background; supports reading behaviour in context rather than from one gesture.
Keep in mind. Expert opinion from field experience, not controlled research. Not about romantic interest.
Joe Navarro: Your Body Language Is Talking (Even When You’re Not) | JOE NAVARRO
Navarro's own explainer on how the body communicates continuously; supports the idea that behaviour is something to notice and check, not proof of a state.
Keep in mind. Expert opinion; avoid presenting any single cue as a reliable indicator of deception or desire.
Joe Navarro: What Every BODY is Saying
Navarro's best-known book on reading comfort and discomfort in nonverbal behaviour; the publisher page gives the official description.
Keep in mind. Popular book written from FBI field practice; claims about reading deception are not well supported experimentally.