Learn · Unit 3: Signal
Reciprocal investment
Notice what she voluntarily invests; don't keep doing things that hide it. Connection, then space, then observation.
Start here
Lessons
- What investment looks likeList the observable forms of investment and tell her investment apart from yours.
- Match, don't outpaceKeep your investment roughly level with hers so that her voluntary investment stays visible.
- Space is a sensorLeave room after a good interaction so she can start, continue or return to contact, and read what she does with it.
- When to stop proposingRecognize repeated noncommitment, stop proposing plans, and leave the next move to her.
Video summary
Exercises that go with these lessons
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Talks, videos and pages by the people whose ideas these lessons discuss, matched to the topics the lessons cite. They are outside this site, and nothing from them loads until you follow a link. A link is not an endorsement; read the note under each one.
Marni Kinrys: Boldness and Creepiness Aren't Separated by What You Say. It's What You Do After.
Kinrys's argument that boldness differs from creepiness by what a man does after seeing the other person's reaction, per the title; supports noticing and adjusting.
Keep in mind. Coach's opinion in a commercial channel; the app must add that persistence after a no is never acceptable.
Vanessa Van Edwards: 10 Quirky Questions to Ask On Your Next Date
Example open-ended, curiosity-led questions to ask on a date, relevant to responsiveness and to restarting a conversation that has stalled.
Keep in mind. Light entertainment format; questions are prompts, not a technique that guarantees liking.
Jean Smith: The Science of Flirting: Being a H.O.T. A.P.E. | Jean Smith | TEDxLSHTM
Smith's H.O.T. A.P.E. model of flirting signs (humour, open body language, touch, attention, proximity, eye contact), from her interviews in four cities, presented as teachable cues.
Keep in mind. Popular framework from observational interviews, not a validated model; touch is presented as a signal, never as permission.
Vanessa Van Edwards: Why Women Never Make The First Move!
Van Edwards on who tends to initiate in courtship and the small opening signals that precede an approach; read the video before linking to confirm the claims shown.
Keep in mind. Popular-science framing; check any quoted statistic against the primary study before the app repeats it.
Vanessa Van Edwards: 28 Science-Backed Body Language Signs of Attraction
Catalogue of cues said to signal attraction (leaning in, mirroring, proximity, eye contact), with the useful advice to look for clusters of signals rather than one gesture.
Keep in mind. Mixes research with popular lists; the gendered framing and some involuntary-signal claims (pupils, blushing) are weakly sourced. Cues never authorise touch.