Learn · Unit 1: Notice
HOT APE: observable flirting signals
Teach Jean Smith's HOT APE as a reminder of where to look, and the research limits on every cue. Clusters beat single cues.
Start here
Lessons
- HOT APE: six things worth noticingName the six HOT APE cues, describe each as something you can see or hear, and say what a cluster of them can and cannot tell you.
- Eye contact and distance have no fixed rulesExplain why there is no correct amount of eye contact or distance, and read both against her baseline and the setting.
- You can't read a mind from a faceExplain why faces and body language reveal less than people think, and why confidence in a read is not accuracy.
- Touch is a cue, never a permissionDescribe touch she starts as a cue to notice, and explain why no cue makes touch from you welcome.
- Laughter, questions and attentionTell shared humor and attentive questions apart from politeness, using baseline and reciprocity.
Video summary
Exercises that go with these lessons
Go further
Talks, videos and pages by the people whose ideas these lessons discuss, matched to the topics the lessons cite. They are outside this site, and nothing from them loads until you follow a link. A link is not an endorsement; read the note under each one.
Jean Smith: The Science of Flirting: Being a H.O.T. A.P.E. | Jean Smith | TEDxLSHTM
Smith's H.O.T. A.P.E. model of flirting signs (humour, open body language, touch, attention, proximity, eye contact), from her interviews in four cities, presented as teachable cues.
Keep in mind. Popular framework from observational interviews, not a validated model; touch is presented as a signal, never as permission.
Marni Kinrys: She Keeps Ending Up Near You. That's Not a Coincidence.
Kinrys's short presents a woman repeatedly positioning herself nearby as a signal that she is inviting an approach. Relevant to proximity changes, as a claim to test against context.
Keep in mind. Anecdotal and stated with more certainty than the evidence allows; proximity is often incidental (shared space, crowded venue). An approach invites a response; it does not presume one.
Vanessa Van Edwards: 28 Science-Backed Body Language Signs of Attraction
Catalogue of cues said to signal attraction (leaning in, mirroring, proximity, eye contact), with the useful advice to look for clusters of signals rather than one gesture.
Keep in mind. Mixes research with popular lists; the gendered framing and some involuntary-signal claims (pupils, blushing) are weakly sourced. Cues never authorise touch.
Marni Kinrys: She's Playing With Her Hair. Here's What Her Body Is Actually Saying.
Kinrys's short presents touching hair, clothes or jewellery as an unconscious sign that a woman wants to look attractive to the viewer specifically. Useful as a case study of reading certainty into one ambiguous cue.
Keep in mind. Commercial coach; the video treats a single self-grooming cue as a definite signal, which the evidence on cue inference does not support (nonverbal-inference-limits). Cues are never consent and never authorise touch.
Jeffrey Hall (University of Kansas): Flirting hard to detect, researcher says
University summary of Hall's study of first conversations: partners were far less accurate at detecting flirting than at noticing its absence, and observers were no better.
Keep in mind. News release; student samples and one lab setting.